Protect You
by theivydaggers
Summary: Phil and Dan have done it; They've finally came out to the world. But the world is a harsh and judgemental place, and they must deal with this together. Follow Dan and Phil on a journey of discrimination, hurt, counselling and love. Because in the end, they need each other, and they will protect each other from anything. Sequel to 'It Starts as a Dream.' Should read first.
1. Calling

**Hey there my lovely glitter bugs, how you doing? So I decided to start the sequel! YAAAY! Follow Dan and Phil on their journey of coming out, dealing with Michelle, counseling and the hardships of a relationship. This story won't make any sense without reading the first story 'It Starts as a Dream', so if you're new here please go check it out! Warnings for this full story are the usual: sex, self-harm, depression, cussing and male on male relationship and possibly some kinks. If you don't like it, please don't read.**

**Have a wonderful day potatoes!**

**-Theivydaggers**

**Phil's POV:**

We came out.

We. Came. Out.

Holy fuck we actually came out.

It has been about three weeks since the liveshow, and the response to coming out has been enormous. Varying from pictures on tumblr, things on our twitter and comments on our YouTube videos, the reactions were astonishing. It's absolutely mental at the moment, and I can barely wrap my head around the fact that people find this so fascinating.

We've made a couple of videos after coming out, to explain our relationship. We lost some support, not a lot mind you, but enough to get Dan back in a ditch again. He's in his room and refusing to come out at the moment. It's getting kind of ridiculous. No matter how hard I try to coax him out of his meek mind set, nothing is happening. That's why I'm doing this.

I'm calling a counselor.

I feel really bad, like guilt is clawing up my insides slowly. I know Dan hates counseling. But I just repeat the words in my mind, the words that make me continue dialing the buttons.

'_Dan needs help. This is what is best.'_

The phone is warm in my pale, cold hand. I feel a bit anxious. How do you even get a counselor to work for you? As the phone starts ringing I bit my lower lip, my teeth sinking into soft skin. What am I supposed to say? Maybe this was a stupid idea. What if they can't even help him? I'm an idiot, I should hang up, I shou-…

"Hello this is the Alyssa from BASD, The British Association of Suicide and Depression how can I help you today?"

"Uh, hi. My name is Phil Lester and I'm really worried about my partner Dan…" I feel like the words that are coming out are secrets that I shouldn't be sharing. It feels like I'm giving someone I don't even know a glimpse of something they shouldn't know about. It feels** wrong** god dammit. I nervously rearrange my hair with my right hand.

_Calm down Phil, its ok._

"I see, what seems to be worrying you about him?" The woman's voice has an accent, Australian maybe? It's smooth and soft and incredibly relaxing. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before continuing. Even though I try to keep my voice steady and slow, the words tumble out fast and slightly off key, and I can feel the all too familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

"Well, er, you see, we came out gay a little while ago and some people have been giving him a **really** hard time and he already self-harms and was suicidal at one stage and I'm really scared for him and I just want to have here happy again but he's locked himself in his room and is refusing to eat or come ou-outside and I'm really scared that he's going to relapse again because he's been going **so god damn well** and I think he needs help."

The words were like when I started crying; once I started I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to. It was all this horrible baggage being spewed out of my mouth in one breathless sitting. I took shallow breath and looked at the floor. What would Dan think right now if he knew what I was doing? I shut my eyes and scrunch up my nose refusing to start crying. He would be so angry. Ugh, I'm going to have to deal with grumpy Dan after this.

"Wow that sounds like a lot to keep on your chest. I think…yes, we have a free space at 12:00pm in two weeks' time on Monday, will that be ok for you Mr. Lester?"

I smile slightly, still feeling kinda unsteady. Everything sounds so formal.

"That would be…fantastic. And please Alyssa, call me Phil. Mr. Lester is my father." Alyssa chuckled lightly at my words and my smile got a bit more real.

"Well then please, call me Aly. Alyssa is such a posh name for someone like me." My smile spread until it was my normal, genuine smile. I shook my head slightly; my moods change so dramatically, I swear I'm crazy.

"Thank you so much Aly."

"Don't worry about it Phil, it's kinda my job to help people. Dan will see the counselor Miss Bateman. She's lovely, I'm sure he'll like her. Have a good day Phil." My grin falters at the thought of having to get Dan to meet this Miss Bateman. I bite my lip and mumble;

"You too Aly."

The line went out and I slowly lowered my hand and hung up. Ok, looking on the bright side, that went better than expected. I breathed out a long steady sigh.

_They are nice people. These guys know what they are doing._

Yet the churning in my gut was still there, the undeniable feeling of dread slithering over my innards. How on earth am I going to tell Dan about this? He won't go out without a fight that's for sure. I let my eyelids flutter closed, my eyes focusing on the blackness now surrounding. Little blue, black and red specks cloud my vision and I open them again quickly. I turn around, prepared for a dreadful sleep, and yet I was greeted by the beautiful body of my boyfriend.

Dan is leaning against the doorway casually, his hands crossed in front of his chest. He looks thinner than normal, but still just as beautiful as the day I fell for him. His hair is in unruly curls, sticking up in every direction possible. He smiles gently and walks over to me, pulling me by my waist and hugging me.

I close my eyes, and wrap my arms around his body. The muscles twitch under his shirt as he breathes, the feel and smell of his body is almost overwhelming; like the ocean, musk and something distinctly _Dan._ His head nuzzles into the crook of my neck, his breath warm against my skin. His medium length, dark brown hair tickles the side of my cheek. My hands tighten slightly on the back of his shoulder and small of his back, my fingers curling into the material of his shirt.

I close my eyes and inhale. He's like a drug this boy; I can't get enough of him. I need him to function properly. I focus on every breath he takes, every tremble of the strong muscles in his shoulders against the buds of my fingers. We don't speak, but it's peaceful.

Yeah, he is my drug.

He is my addiction.

And I will do anything in my power to protect him.

Even from him.

Even if it leaves him getting angry at me, I will do anything to protect my love.

Because, really…wouldn't he do the same for me?

**Ta da! End of chapter one! Lovely thanks go out to my friend Aly and Aisha, Aly for letting me use her as a character in the story, and Aisha for letting me study her as I hug her for note taking on it. Please favorite, follow or review. Maybe do all three if you want to! It really helps me. Feels good to be back my lovelies.**

**Yours;**

**-Theivydaggers**

**Check out my Tumblr: **


	2. Dream

**Hola! How are you all doing? I'll leave appropriate answers for both reactions:**

**Aw, hope you feel better.**

**Fantastic mate!**

**There, so…here we are again!**

***Throws confetti***

**Hope you all enjoy chapter 2. I love you all. –Theivydaggers**

**Dan's POV:**

I'm broken.

Once again, with chips on my body and cracks through my soul.

I am broken.

Do you know how hard it is to hide how broken you really are from the person you love more than life itself? The person who fought off your demons and saved you?

I am broken.

Phil thinks it's just about the hate mail. That's nothing, I deal with that normally. You don't sign up to this job without expecting SOME people not to like you.

No…what is really happening are all these flashbacks. Those fears churning in my body all over again like a hot and burdensome stew, washing over me like a wave in a storm.

I clutched my head in my hands, my hands holding my skull and my fingernails digging into my scalp. It hurt and I savored it, the physical pain a welcome change instead of the bloody emotional. I feel like I'm falling apart.

"Get a grip of yourself Dan…" I growl at myself. I paced around my room, my feet hitting the wooden floor in heavy bangs. My mind was a mess, a billion thoughts I could not fathom into one coherent idea. It almost hurt; it almost was unbearable. Was I getting enough air? It didn't feel like it. It feels like I'm drowning, the walls around me closing in.

Blurry, everything was fucking blurry. My eyes stung with tears as I stumbled through the haze of my room, leaning on the piano with both arms holding me upright against it. Squeezing my eyes shut I tried to focus on one thing…the only thing that calmed me.

The only thing that kept me sane, even if it was only a little bit, was the love of my life. This man; this wonderful, fantastic man by the name of Phil. He is my everything...my rock, my stone, my earth…my soul.

My mind fills with thoughts of him.

_Phil_

I think back to the first time we met. The first time we hugged. The first time we filmed something together.

_Phil_

The first time we had a fight. The first time we slept over. The first time we moved in together. The first time he called me his best friend.

_Phil_

The first time we kissed. The first time I worked out feelings for him. The first time we had sex. The first time he helped me out of depression.

_**Phil.**_

I open my eyes slowly, as if waking up from a nightmare. I blink a couple of times and shake my head. I smiled slightly, the panic attack over. My mind felt fuzzy, and my hands were shaking noticeably but the hell was over.

Is it worrying how I much I depend on Phil? I don't think so. But then again, my opinion is often not the right one. Still, this was Phil. It's ok to be dependent on the person you love...right?

Of course it is.

I smile, the memories stirring a fuzzy warm feeling inside me. I walk towards the door slowly, taking a deep breath as I open it. It seems like forever since I was last not in my dark, constricting room. Popping my head out of the crack, I could see Phil talking into the phone; his hand running through his hair and tousling his jet black locks. He looked...sad.

No, not sad. He looked shattered, tear marks easily noticeable in the harsh light of the lounge. Before I could catch a snippet of who he was talking to or what they were talking about, he hung up. Phil closed the phone and put it down before leaning back against the counter, shutting his eyes and breathing deeply.

I walked out of my room, shutting the door with a quiet _click_ before striding into the doorway, leaning against just staring in silent awe at the man before me.

He opened his eyes slowly and with water still in them, I couldn't help but walk over and envelop him in an embrace. His body curled into mine, his cheek against my own; slightly scratchy because of his stubble. He sighed and I couldn't help but bury my head into his muscular shoulder.

"Phil?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Please never leave me."

"Never."

"I love you."

"I love more sun."

I pull away slightly and raise an eyebrow at him; a slight smirk tugging at my lips. Phil grinned at me sheepishly and blushed slightly under the scrutiny of my gaze.

"Sun?"

"You know, because you're my sunshine. You make my life all bright and stuff."

"You have a way with words you know that..."

He laughed and stuck his tongue out at me. "Shut up." I grinned and stuck out my own tongue, touching his with mine causing him to squirm and giggle in my grasp. I chuckled and pushed my lips into his, teeth tugging gently at his lower lip. He relaxed into my grasp before gently pulling away. His eyes locked on my own and he smiled gently.

"You need to eat more Dan."

My eyebrows drew together and I frowned. What was he saying?

"You're too thin at the moment. You've lost weight without meaning to." His hands gave my biceps a slight squeeze and at his reassuring smile I forced a smile on to my own face. I'm eating fine, Phil is imagining things.

"Ok." I sighed, rolling my eyes at him teasingly. "But if I turn into Jabba the Hutt it's because you made me eat more." Phil rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly, the corner of his lips twitching into the beginning of a smile.

"Thank you Daniel." He pressed his lips into mine for a chaste kiss before pulling away from me. "I'm going to bed." I nodded and he paused halfway to his bedroom. He turned around and raised his eyebrow at me. I gave him a confused look and he sighed.

"You gonna join me or do I have to get naked first."

I laughed and then smirked. "I'm not saying no..."

Phil chuckled and motioned me towards his room. "Come here you idiot, you've locked yourself away for too long."

* * *

_**I look around, my eyes not use to the sudden blackness coming over. I couldn't see anything...yet...**_

_**The room felt so small, so closed in. It was suffocating. I pushed myself further into the wall, finding out that I was in the corner.**_

_**Great, trap yourself further Dan. Fantastic idea. Fan-fucking-tastic.**_

_**I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds. Was that? I shook my head. No, it couldn't be. But her laugh rang through the room, like a speaker was right above me. Her mocking, taunting voice crawling its way into my ears. I curled up tighter, my knees tucking into my chest as I covered my ears with my hands.**_

_**It can't be her.**_

_**This can't be real.**_

_**Blinding light flashed and I was suddenly thankful I had closed my eyes. I opened a single eye, squinting at the harshness of the light before blinking.**_

_**Bad idea.**_

_**Her fucking face was mere centimeters away from mine and her cold, dark eyes were locked onto mine. Michelle blinked before her ruby red lips cracked into a horrible, manic grin. Blood dripped from her mouth and I shuddered in disgust.**_

"_**Remember." Her voice was soft, barely a whisper. I kept seeing letters flashing around her. A-L-A...wait was that letter? Agh!**_

"_**Remember what Michelle?" I urged her on, my eyes scanning her face for some type of clue.**_

"_**Remember..." The image around me was flickering. I couldn't focus. My eyes couldn't focus the flashing of colors and static around me. Michelle's face was flickering like an old static image from a TV. I could hear screaming. Was that me? Possibly. But Michelle didn't move. She didn't blink. All she did was lean in closer and whisper.**_

**"Pay attention._" And with that, she growled and wrapped her arms around my throat, her hands like an iron clamp around my neck. I coughed and spluttered but she didn't stop. _**

**_"Wake up Dan!" She spat, her nails digging into my skin, breaking it and spilling blood._**

**_"WAKE. UP!"_**

I woke up screaming, my body coated in cold sweat and tears streaming down my face. Phil sat in front of me, his hands clutching my bare shoulders that were shaking considerably. He looked as terrified as I felt and I found myself being forced to lay down back on the bed.

"Shh...shh...Dan it's ok. It was just a bad dream. It wasn't real. I'm here, please stop crying. I muffled a sob with my fist. I cuddled into him, his hands pulling me tighter around my waist. I curled into him, my face pressing into his chest.

"She's not done Phil."

"Michelle?"

"She will never be done."

"Baby why do you think that?"

I looked up at him with wide eyes.

"I don't think...I know."

**OH MY GOD ENDING YAAY! Thank you for reading, I had a blast writing. You know what to do, comment and favorite! I love you guys. -Theivydaggers**

**Note: EDITED! Got rid of some spelling errors and added more to the story. Woo.**


	3. Just Talk

**Hey, look at that. I'm back again! Yay. Hope you all enjoy the newest chapter and have a fantastic, potato filled day. Because potatoes are amazing alright? –Theivydaggers**

**Phil's POV:**

The days till Monday seemed to go impossibly fast, and before I knew it, Sunday was here. The night I needed to tell Dan about his arranged appointment with the counselor.

_It is fine Phil, he loves you. He will do this for you__...__ maybe. Hopefully. You're screwed._ I groaned as my thoughts flitted around my head, buzzing like bees in the summer.

"Good job at comforting me brain." I growled under my breath.

_No worries._

I sighed, before slumping my shoulders and raking my fingers through my fringe. It had become a nervous habit these days, the playing with my hair. I didn't like it.

_Man up and grow a pair Phil. Go talk to your boyfriend! _My mind practically screamed this at me as Dan walked into the room. I pouted, knowing my thoughts were right. Dan had plonked himself onto the couch and was now laying across it, arms draped on the sides and body sagging into the cushions. I took a deep breath, trying to gain any amount of courage I had, before walking in.

My eyes raked over Dan's body, trying to gauge him. He had gained some weight thankfully, and was looking less empty and disheveled then he had been. To a person who didn't know him, they would probably say that he was a perfectly healthy, happy human being. I wish I could say he was.

It was his eyes that gave him away, the flare and spark that had once been in his oak brown eyes was gone, leaving them looking empty and dull. His smiles didn't reach his eyes much anymore and it was so heartbreaking to see him slowly give in to this…this horrible thing in his mind after fighting it for so long.

His nightmares had got worse you know. Most nights he either wakes up screaming, crying or both. The best I can do is hold him until he falls back asleep, curled into my body. It makes me physically hurt by seeing him so…broken.

_That's why you need to talk to him Phil. That's why you need to tell him the plan. That's how you can help him._

I nodded to myself, not really knowing why. Reassurance maybe? Oh well, who cares. Slowly I walk towards him. His eyes were locked on the ceiling, glassy like they always are when he is in deep thought.

"Dan?"

His eyes flickered towards my own, locking us in an intense fixed stare. I stared back, not letting his increasingly concentrated gaze un-nerve me. His eyes glimmered slightly with…love? I didn't know what it was, but it was happier than what his eyes were usually filled with.

I grinned and he threw me a small smile back.

"Hey Phil."

"Room on that couch for two?"

He chuckled and shook his head causing me to frown.

"Nope I think you can see this whole couch is taken sorry."

"Awh Dan come on." I groaned, knowing he wouldn't budge. He giggled and buried himself deeper into the cushions of the couch. I sighed and strolled over closer to the couch, my knees pressed up against the side of it. He looked and me and bit his lip, trying desperately to keep a straight face.

"I'm sorry Phil but as you can clearly see." He gestured to his body before looking back up at me. "This couch is full." I pouted in mock annoyance and he started laughing again, throwing his head back and letting his laughs shake his body. Despite myself, I found my lips tugging into a smile.

_Phil…use your head. You know how to get him to do what you want…_The nagging voice in my head murmured and I got the idea, smirking slightly at the thought. Dan stopped laughing when he saw my smirk.

"Phil? What are you thinking? I know that smirk, stop it." His cheeks reddened as I pushed myself onto the couch, hovering over his now still body. My elbows were on the either side of his biceps and his legs in between my own. Slowly, I moved my lips closer to his ear, breathing hotly into it before whispering.

"Still don't feel like sharing Dan?" I whisper, my legs tightening around his. He shivered and leant his head back, exposing his throat in a silent plead. I growled and nipped at his flesh, my teeth scraping against his skin. He moaned quietly, his hands wrapping around my lower back and pulling our bodies closer.

I pressed messy, open mouth kisses to his neck; sucking on points I knew would elicit moans of pleasure from him. Kissing, I made my way up his neck back to his ear, pulling at the lobe with my front teeth before biting at the skin just behind there. He groaned, his free hand grabbing the ends of my hair and twisting them. My mouth trailed down to his neck again and started to work.

"I think…" I continued working a hickey on his collar bone as he tried to speak, smirking at his attempts. "I think…_oh god…._t-t-that I'd be happy…_Ah!_ Sharing t-the c-c-ou…oh god _PHIL_!" He yelled as my hands dipped under his shirt, running over his chest and fingers dancing over his nipples, twisting them slightly before letting them go. I stopped what I was doing and removed my head from his neck, smirking at the bright purple mark on his throat. He used this opportunity to gain his breath and finish his words.

"…With you." His eyes were glazed over with lust, and I smirked and got off him, pushing his feet down and forcing him into a sitting position. He raised his eyebrows in confusion and I laughed.

"Well that's fantastic, because I really need to talk to you."

He groaned and hit me in the arm, causing me to laugh even harder.

"You can't just do that to me Phil! How are you expecting me to take whatever you want to talk about seriously with the thought of pinning you to a wall and snogging you shitless still in my mind? Not to mention this!" His hand gestured to his crotch and I giggled at his look at annoyance at me with his hard on.

"Later, I promise. But for now, we actually do really need to talk." I calmed myself down and smiled at him. He sighed, rolling his eyes before he finally nodded.

"Fine, but you'll pay for this."

"I know."

_Now…Just tell him._

My mouth suddenly felt very dry, my tongue felt useless and oversized in my mouth. I closed my eyes and scrunched up my nose, willing my nerves away. The joking atmosphere from the room had dropped and I could _feel_ my own tension in the room.

"Phil? Baby what's wrong?" Dan whispered, his hand resting on my knee. I sighed.

_Better out then in._

"Dan, please understand that what I did was for love. I was scared for you ok?"

"Phil, what are you on about?"

"Just promise you won't get angry."

"I won't if there's nothing to be angry at."

I groaned and just said it. No point dilly-dallying.

"I'vesignedyouupforcounselling."

"Come again?" I take a deep breath, forcing myself to slow down.

"Dan; I've signed you up for counseling. It starts Monday at 12."

Dan's eyes widened before returning to normal, a sullen, morbid look on his face. His body had tensed up and I reached out to touch his shoulder to comfort him.

"Oh." Was all he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"I'm just worried about you Dan. I think this will be good for you." I try to tell him, but I feel like my words are falling on deaf ears.

"Yeah…yeah I get that. I'll go. Uh, I think I'll call it a night Phil."

And before I could even protest, Dan stood up and walked to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door, leaving me alone in the lounge.

And for the first time in a long while, I slept alone that night.

And it was the worst feeling in the world.

**Ta da! New chapter. Wow, that got sad awfully quick but HEY MORE PLOTLINE. Sorry for not updating quick, the page I admin is having an admin contest at the moment so things have been PRETTY FREAKIN CRAZY…Anyway, I love you all so much and thank you for your continued love and support. Hope to see you soon –Theivydaggers**

**Rest in Peace:**

**Cory Monteith and Talia Castelleno. **

**Taken away from this world to early.**


	4. Blue and Blonde

**And I'm back again. Yay! It's time for the counseling (oh bother) and time for BRAND SPANKING NEW CHARACTERS HOLY SHIT WOW AINT THAT FANTASTIC. In the NEXT chapter, I think there will be smut. Just a warning. Coolies? Cool**

**Warnings: May be triggering, mentions of bullying, depression, and mentions of self-harm.**

**Dan's POV:**

Do I understand why Phil signed me up for this?

Of course.

Does that make me any calmer?

Not by a long shot.

I felt so weird and alien. Who even gets counseling anyway? Not normal people. Not normal, happy, sane people. I wish I could have gone alone, deal with this by myself. But Phil insisted on coming, said there's bound to be something he has to sign.

"_And I __want to make sure you actually go Dan. Just trust me on this."_

So here I am, sitting in the car as I watch Phil deep in his own little world while driving, his pale fingers curling tightly around the wheel as we blitzed down the highway. I let my head rest on the window, cold glass cooling my hot forehead. Sighing, I let my eyes flutter closed. I'm exhausted; I barely got any sleep last night without Phil by my side. Course it was my fault I hadn't slept. I **WAS** the one that locked the door. But still…

_Just close your eyes for a little while. _

_Close them._

* * *

"Dan. Come on baby we're here."

I heard Phil's voice and groaned, swatting away his hands that were shaking me.

"Five more minutes."

He laughed that adorable little laugh of his and unbuckled my belt before his fingers started prodding me slightly in the side. I groaned and turned my head to him, attempting to give him a bitch face but it was very halfhearted. He grinned cheekily, his tongue poking out to the side.

"Dan you kinda have an appointment. If you don't get up, I will carry you into the office."

"It would be a grand entrance if I do say so myself; a grown adult male being carried bridal style into the counseling room."

"You always were the girl in this relationship." He added cheekily, earning him a soft punch to the shoulder. He laughed and opened his car door. "C'mon Dan, let's go."

I groaned in annoyance. I don't want to be here. What could these people possibly do that could help me in anyway? I've had counselors before and they all do the same shit; 'where are you from?', 'do you know why you're here?' and (the most annoying) 'how are you feeling?'

I sighed and opened my door, pushing myself out of the car. My brain kept a chant going, forcing my legs along the concrete path.

_Phil organized this. Just one session. You can get through one session for him._

I kept my head up and walked forward, trying to match my pace with Phil's. A steady feeling of dread leaked into my gut but I just kept on walking, keeping my eyes on the doors that would let us in. I could feel Phil's eyes on me, but I paid no attention.

"Dan are you ok?"

"Fine."

Phil didn't ask any questions after that.

As we entered the room, I was hit by the smell of cookies. I frowned in confusion and turned to look at Phil. He had the same confused expression as me and just shrugged and kept walking. My eyes darted around the room; the walls were painted a deep sea blue and covered by artwork, the carpet plush and green. As we neared the front I started hearing female voices, heavy with Australian accents.

"…But come on people love cookies!"

"Aly you've cooked like, 12 batches of 20!"

"…Isn't that how most people do it?"

The other woman sighed and started laughing "No, no that's not how most people would do it."

"Oh. Sorry Iza."

The woman apparently called Iza laughed before the sound of her heels clicking away told me it was only Aly there now. I raised an eyebrow and followed Phil who had a very odd expression on his face.

_Well, at least this will be interesting._

We both came up to the reception desk which had three huge plates of cookies on them. Aly was sat behind the desk, glaring at the cookies like they had done something wrong to her. She had dark blond hair that was pulled into a messy ponytail on her head. She was almost as pale as Phil, but her skin was kissed with slight freckles. She wore charcoal black eye makeup, making her big, rainy grey eyes stand out. She wore a dark blue button up shirt with a pair of black skinny jeans. I coughed and her eyes rose to Phil and I and she grinned.

"So I'm guessing you two are Dan and Phi?"

"That's right. And I'm guessing you're Aly?" Phil said, with a slight smile on his face.

"That would be an accurate assumption. Would either of you like a cookie?" She smiled and lifted up a plate to both of us.

"Uh…" I said, kinda confused by her action.

"Iza said I made too many. Please take some." She raised the plate into our face again and I grinned and took a couple.

"Dan can I have one?" Phil asked as Aly lowered the plate, leaving only me with a large handful of cookies. I shook my head before laughing at his pout.

"Yeah sure." I tossed the cookie at him and he caught it, before nibbling at it like a little squirrel. I looked away and bit into mine, sighing at the melted chocolate and the warm dough.

"This is orgasmic."

Aly laughed before speaking. "Thank you, I thought so to." She put the plate down before handing Phil and me a clipboard each. "Now before we start you both are going to have to answer the questions on the sheet. Most of them are pretty straight forward but if you need any help just ask me ok?" We both nodded and sat down.

_Is this your first time in counseling? Put a plus for right answer:_

[+]_ No_

[ ] _Yes_

[ ] _Other (please explain)_

_Have you had a history of mental illness in your family?_

[ ]_ No_

[ ] _Yes_

[+ ]_ Unsure_

_Who made you come here?_

[ ] _I came here myself_

[ ] _A doctor told me to come here_

[ +] _A friend, family or spouse told me to come here_

I sighed, drumming my pen on the clipboard and sheet.

How on earth will this help me?

* * *

"I'll be right outside if you need me" Phil said, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Yeah I know." I forced a fake smile and turned to the door that had been opened for me.

"Dan?" I turned around just as my fist had wrapped around the door handle. I looked at him and he smiled. "Thanks for coming." Phil said.

"It's ok."

I turned back around and opened the door before walking into the room. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt nauseous. To distract myself from my unease, I looked around the room. The walls were painted a soft yellow and the floor was a creamy white carpet. The walls had paintings of fairies and mystical creatures on them. In the right corner, a large bookshelf sat, almost completely filled with books. My eyes wandered over the titles; The Perks of Being a Wallflower, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Harry Potter, The Fault in Our Stars, Hunger Games, The Hobbit, Skullduggery Pleasant were just a few I noticed.

"Pretty sweet collection if I do say so myself." I jumped a little at a voice by my side before looking over. A short woman stood next to me with ocean blue hair that fell to her shoulders in waves. She wore black glasses and had a small nose piercing on her pixiesh face. Her eyes had heavy winged eyeliner and she wore a cherry red dress to match her lipstick and blue heels. She was about half my height but she held herself in a confident but casual manner.

"My name's Iza. And I'm guessing that you are Daniel?"

"Er…Dan. I like Dan better."

"Ok. So Dan, why don't you take a seat over there and we can get started." I nodded and she grinned before taking a seat herself at her desk. My eyes roamed her desk, looking at the pictures of herself and Aly as well as other people I didn't know. There were small posters of My Chemical Romance, Jennifer Lawrence, the Harry Potter cast and little drawings and sketches everywhere. I smiled. I think I'd like this girl. I shake my head. I'm not here to make friends.

"So…Uhm. What do I talk about?" I ask, fiddling with my bracelets around my wrist. I sat stiffly on the chair, feeling unreasonably uncomfortable. I hated this. I hated talking to people I don't know.

"We can talk about whatever's on your mind. If you want I can ask you questions or we could just have a chat."

I raised my eyebrows and looked her in her sparkling green eyes. She had a notepad on her lap, but made no move to pick it up and scribble my reaction.

"Are you serious?"

"Completely. I don't like pressuring my clients to telling me their life secrets like that." She clicked her fingers and smiled gently at me. "What do you want to do Dan?"

"I…sorry I'm not really used to having a choice in these kinds of things." I laughed nervously and stared at my feet. I don't know what to say, I don't know what she wants me to bring up. "I think I'd prefer if you asked questions, but uhm…can we change to chatting if I don't like it anymore?"

"Of course! Alright, why don't you tell me about you and Phil?"

"Phil…Phil and I?" She nodded encouragingly. I licked my lips and continued.

"Phil is…Phil is my life. He is the most beautiful person I've ever met, the one person in life I can turn to for help. He might not be perfect to everyone, but to me, he is the definition of perfect. He is my everything; my rock, my heart, my soul. I'd be so lost without him. He protects me from me, from my nightmares, even from Michelle. I just…he's just my world y'know?" I say it all in one breath, suddenly feeling quite emotional. She nods, scribbling something down on her notebook.

"Could you explain to me what you mean by 'Protects me from me'? Only if you're comfortable about it." She added quickly, like I was a baby animal that she didn't want to frighten. I groaned and put my head in my hands, feeling weirdly pissed off. I'm not a child.

"It's pretty easy isn't it? I didn't take you for someone stupid Iza."

"All I'm asking from you is to tell me what you mean by that." Unfazed by my insult.

"Yeah well all I'm asking is for you is to mind your own fucking business." I snapped, regretting my words as soon as they left my mouth. I looked up at her multi colored eyes and felt awful, she looked so innocent. Jesus I snapped at her for no reason, she's only trying to help. She nodded at me and scratched something into her notebook.

I sighed, snaking a hand through my hair.

"Sorry I just…I get nervous around counselors sorry. What I meant by that was that a while ago I felt…I felt no will to live. I felt broken, and my outlet was self-harm. It felt good, intoxicating. Sure I might feel like shit afterwards, but while it was happening _**I**_ was in control. The feeling of the blade dragging against my skin, the thick blood that fell from each cut…it was like cutting away at all the bad things, making them disappear for just a moment. Michelle sent me threatening texts every day, I felt so crummy all the time and Phil…he protected me from that. He tried his best to protect me from me. He didn't always succeed, but hey, he at least tried. And that's the first time someone tried to do that."

"You've been keeping that in haven't you?" She asked her voice soft.

"Yeah."

"Dan?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you for sharing that. That was very brave"

"It's ok."

"So self-harm, how long has that been an issue for you?"

I thought back, retracing my late teenage years. "I guess around year 12…maybe early university. I was getting bullied a lot, my parents started fighting a load and everywhere I turned it felt like people were out to get me. I had stones thrown at me in public actually for being what I guess was 'emo'. I was thrown against lockers, beaten up daily and basically just constantly felt like crap. I didn't feel like I was worth anything, and if was something, I wasn't worth being that. So I cut, as a punishment. I tried to stop of course, but relapsed often. I had been doing well for about 7 months before I did it again. So I've been cutting for about…4 years?"

She nodded and wrote something down again. "You mentioned a girl a lot, Michelle? Could you tell me about her?"

I felt sick, my throat suddenly felt tight and constricted. Fucking Michelle.

"She's…She's my ex. She's not the same person she was. She tried to kill me and Phil mind you. She knows me. She knows what to say to break me. She's done a bloody good job of breaking me." I laughed bitterly.

"What was she like when you knew her?"

"Let's change the topic."

Iza nodded understandingly. "We will have to come back to that, but only when you're ready ok?"

Tears stung my eyes and I blinked them away. God this woman must think I'm such and idiot, such a fucking pussy. God why am I here? She must have more important people to help. I'm useless, this is wasting her time.

"Dan?" Iza's voice interrupted my thoughts, her soft voice laced with concern. I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"I'm fine."

She handed me some tissues. "It's ok to cry Dan. It's human."

"Well then I don't want to be human, I've cried to much these days."

"Sadly you kinda don't have a choice in changing species. Gender, sure but species? Not so much." She gave me a warm smile at my snort of laughter.

"You're a bit odd Iza."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's oddly comforting."

"Well then that's great. Now, we don't have much more time I'm afraid, but I was wondering if before you left if you could talk to me about some of these nightmares of yours?"

I looked at the clock. Had it already been 30 minutes? I bit my lower lip, and closed my eyes. I hadn't even told Phil those. Should I? She's my counselor I suppose; she's kinda supposed to know these types of things. And yet…I nod to myself, coming to a decision.

"I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable sharing those with you yet. Maybe another time."

"Of course Dan. Well, I think that's the end of our session." She stood up and opened the door for me, waiting for me to get out of my chair. I pushed myself up unsteadily and walked towards her offering my hand to shake. I was surprised at her strong handshake. She must have spotted my confusion because she laughed.

"I hate weak handshakes. Handshakes should be strong." I laughed and let go of her petite hand.

"To true."

"Aly will have organized your next appointment with Phil. You don't have to come, but hey, we have a ton of cookies we need to get rid of. Why not rock up?"

I nodded and smiled. "Thank you Iza. I will." She beamed and I walked out, holding my head higher than before.

_They know what they are doing. They can help me._

As I walked out of Iza's room and back to the main desk I saw Phil and Aly engrossed in a conversation. I leaned forward and almost laughed at what I heard.

"Wait wait wait wait wait…you're a youtuber? How have I NOT heard of you? You're hilarious!"

"Who do you watch?"

"Mostly Smosh, Shane Dawson, Jenna Marbles, Nigahiga. Think American youtubers, they are way up my street! I'll have to check you out though. What was it? AmazingPhil. Yay new youtubers!" She squealed and Phil laughed. I took that as my key to walk in.

"Hey Dan." Phil smiled when he saw me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "You ready to head off?"

"Yeah let's head home. Thank you for the delicious cookies Aly." I smiled and she blushed slightly.

"No worries. Thanks for giving me more youtubers to procrastinate to."

Phil and I laughed "You're welcome."

And waving our goodbyes we drove back home. And you know what?

I actually felt pretty fucking fantastic.

* * *

"I love you Phil."

He raised an eyebrow at me in surprise at my sudden outburst but shook his head and grinned.

"I love you to Dan."

"You know, I never did get you back for the snog session on the couch."

He smirked slightly, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Well, there's always time when we get home. You better punish me."

I swallowed thickly, my mind immediately being filled with perverted thoughts.

"Punish I shall."

**Woo! Three day work effort here. ASDFGHJKL this took FOREVER to write, so reviews would be appreciated. What did you think of the new characters? I like them. Thanks for all the love guys, makes a girl feel special ;). -Theivydaggers **


	5. Restraint

**Smut update because I should be doing math homework but I can't be fucked. Seriously, whose idea was it to introduce the alphabet into math? I have to look like I'm work though, so if anyone asks, I'm doing an English report on the short novel 'Boy Overboard.'**

**Ok**

**Here we go.**

**Warning: Sex, bondage and descriptive male on male sexy times. Yep**

**Phil's POV:**

Dan was planning something.

I knew it, the whole time we were driving back home.

He had his little smirk on his face, that little 'I know something you don't' smirk. He was planning something good.

I'd be lying if I said I was not curious.

"What are you smirking about Dan?" I question, not being able to stop myself asking. He chuckles and shakes his head, speaking to me in a mischievous tone of voice.

"You'll have to wait till we get home."

"Why can't I know now?"

"Because Phil, I like you're surprised face. Reminds me of another face you make." I gasp and he throws his head back and laughs.

"Dan! Such crude humor, tut tut tut." I say; a joking tone in my voice. He chuckles and throws me a wink in the mirror, staring at it instead of me so I could see.

"You love it."

* * *

As soon as we entered our house Dan kicked into action. He smirked at me and kissed my lips roughly, his teeth digging into my lower lip. I moaned as he pushed me against the door, his body against my own and his hands on either side of my head. He eased his tongue into my mouth, fighting against my own as he gained dominance. After a while of kissing it quickly grew more heated, more passionate, and more…needy.

I clawed at his clothes, my fingers digging into the material and scratching his skin, making him hiss. He pulls off me for a minute and rips off his shirt, flinging it carelessly into the lounge somewhere.

God I love this man

"My room." He whispers in my ear, biting me aggressively on the neck and sucking. I groaned, hands trailing up and down his bare back, nails digging into his collarbones and leaving shallow moon shaped marks on him. He practically growls at me and snatches my wrist, dragging me into his bedroom.

"Phil. I want to try something different. Is that ok?"

"As long as it isn't like those fucked up fanfictions then yes." He laughs and pulls me by the waist into him, grinding himself into me. I leaned backwards in his arms, moaning breathlessly.

"Dan…" I groan, throwing my head back and grinding back against him. He shakes; his grip tightening as he lets out a low moan. I lift my head to stare at his lust blown eyes, dilated pupils turning them almost completely black. I bite my lips and grab his arms before whispering a weak "More."

Dan throws on his bed before ripping at my button up shirt, tearing off a couple of buttons in the process.

"Dan you broke my shirt!"

"You won't care about that while you're screaming my name love." He whispered in a deep husky voice. I shuddered and leant back, so my throat was exposed and closed my eyes. He stood up and undid his pants before kicking of his shoes and socks and throwing himself back onto me. My legs wrapped around his waist, his face buried in my neck and covering it in bites and kisses. Everything was so passionate, so raw and oh so real. It was dizzying. Dan pinned me down, hands on either of my shoulders. He looked at me and gave me a giddy grin. I laughed.

"Phil?"

"Yep?"

"I love you so much."

"I love you too you dork. Now…show me what you have planned for me." I moaned, rolling my hips into his at the end of my sentence, our hardened cocks grinding against each with delicious friction. We both groaned and he pulled away, undoing my belt before pulling down my jeans and shoes. But…I lifted my head, confused as to why he still had the belt after he threw my jeans away.

_Oh._

He climbed over me, grabbing my wrists and binding them almost painfully together with my belt. Shuffling back down, he grabbed my feet and spread them apart before tying my feet tightly to the ends of the bed with my shirt and jeans. He stood up slowly, his hair messy, his skin sweaty and his body heaving with breaths. He looked me up and down, admiring his work. I couldn't help but blush at how exposed I felt. How powerless I was to him. But…

God it felt good.

He grinned at me, a slight twinkle in his eye. Those chocolate brown eyes never left mine as he slowly took of his pants, leaving him naked in front of me. I moaned and he turned around, letting me take him in from all angles.

"My god Dan how did I manage to get you?"

"The real question is how I managed to get YOU."

"Shut up and screw me."

He raised an eyebrow at me and smirked, going to his bedside table and getting lube. The leather of the belt made me wrists itch and the knots were so tight I could feel my skin bruising. But I didn't care.

I watched him with wide eyes as he stared at me, lathering his hands with lube and rubbing it to warm it up a bit. He lay on top of me, his groin rubbing against me and causing me to thrash against my binds. He smirked and kissed me viciously, taking my tongue in his mouth and sucking on it before abandoning my lips and biting at my jaw and neck. His tongue trailed lines on my skin, my body felt hot and feverish where ever he touched and then…

"_Oh god!" _I let out a deep groan as his first finger went inside, stretching me as he pumped it in and out. Before I couldn't even get used to that, he had already shoved his second finger in, crooking them upwards and hitting a bundle of nerves that made me cry out in pure pleasure. His name fell from my lips like a prayer, growing louder with ever lick, kiss, bite, thrust and grind.

"Uh, Dan. More. More more! Faster, god Dan Ah!"

He moaned and pushed his lips into the shell of my ear. "I love it when you beg."

I felt like I was drowning in all the different feelings. And god I wanted to touch him, but the binds were too tight. I pushed against them, wanting, NEEDING to touch the man on top of me. But I couldn't. I thrashed and withered in his grasp as he added a third finger, a slight burning feeling spreading through my body. But I could easily ignore it with the waves of building pleasure.

"Ugh DAN! FUCK!" I screamed as he pushed his fingers hard into my prostate, making me lean upward off the bed, crushing our bodies together in a mess of sweat, skin and moans. "Fuck. Just…ugh. Do it already you twat."

"With pleasure."

Dan leaped off me and I whined at the lack of contact. The sweat underneath my binds made me shuffle around, trying to get comfy. It didn't work. I heard the tear of a packet and the pop of the lube being opened again before I felt…_Oh my god._

"Daan…" I whined, my throat feeling rough and dry.

"Oh! Oh god. Fuck. Are you fucking kidding me? So…uh, tight!" Dan moaned, pulling back his hips before snapping them forward again, with enough force to bang the headboard against our wall. He didn't want this tender; no he went at a fast and hard pace, banging me into the headboard with reckless abandon.

"Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, UH DAN. FUCK. DAN OH GOD YES HARDER DAN HARDER FASTER DAN FUCK!" I screamed as he changed his angle, hitting that bundle of nerves over and over again in a brutal pace. Jesus I was gonna feel this in the morning.

"Scream my name baby!" He shouted at me, digging his nails into my hips when they tried to thrust forwards. I moaned, a hot, tightening feeling rising in my lower abdomen. My wrists pushed against my restraints, my legs kicked at the posts, my head smashed into the bed and the creaks and moans and groans grew louder as the room filled with the scent and sounds of pure, raw sex.

He let one hand trail to my member and pulled and tugged in time with the thrusts. I could see stars, my mouth hanging open and my eyes closed as I let out porn star worthy moans.

"DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! OH GOD DAAAAN!" I screamed, my toes curling, my body bending upwards, and my throat raw with screams as I came hard. Dan wasn't far behind, groaning as he came with a shuddering thrust before he collapsed on top of me, his dampened hair rubbing against my gleaming chest. Slowly, he pulled out and took off the condom; chucking it in the bin. I felt like mush, my whole body jelly and my legs shaking.

"Was that..." Dan panted and caught his breath before continuing "Was that good?"

"That was mind blowing."

"I…good. That felt fantastic." He murmured before untying my feet and crawling over me to untie my hands. As soon as they were free I rubbed them and inspected them. Dark purple bands were around each wrist. I showed them to Dan and he giggled.

"You are a very cheeky boy Daniel James Howell."

"Everyone will know I topped." He added smugly. I rolled my eyes and pulled him into me, hugging him to my chest. He pulled his sheet up with his foot and cuddled into me, kissing my neck lazily as he started to drift into sleep.

"I love you Phillip Lester."

"And I you Daniel Howell."

He murmured something untranslatable and fell into a deep sleep. With a smile still on my face, I closed my eyes and fell into dream land with him.

**That my friend is 1,491 words of pure male bondage smut. Hope you enjoyed. Should I make smut like this again? Or do you guys want it sweeter. Anyhow, you know what to. Love you all muchachos. –Theivydaggers**


	6. Screams

**Hey again my lovely little phangirls! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I honestly don't have a reason other than I couldn't be bothered. Oh well. Let's do this!**

***Mario Voice***

**HERE WE GOOO! –Theivydaggers**

**Warnings: Abusive parents and homophobia. May be triggering to some readers.**

**Dan's POV:**

I wake suddenly, a hand hitting me in the shoulder as I get up. I pant, sweat coats one side of my body, which doesn't make any sense. A scream makes my dreary self wake up further, the sharp yelp penetrating the calm night air and making the hairs on my neck stand on end.

I turn quickly, throwing back the sheets and facing the horrific scene of Phil having a nightmare. Was I like this when I had those dreams? If so, how did Phil remain so calm? My breath quickens as I watch him, wanting so badly to help him but being too petrified by fear to move.

Phil was sprawled on the bed, hair sticking to his forehead which glistened with sweat as he thrashed violently against the cool air of London. His mouth hung open in a silent scream, body clammy and pale as snow. He shakes violently, his hands clawing at the air desperately as he shook from tears and pain.

My imaginary binds seemed to suddenly disappear as I rush to his side, holding both his shoulders down to the bed to try and minimize his frantic flailing of limbs. My face is close enough to his to see him more clearly; dark eyelashes heavy with tears that ran down his face, mixing with his cold sweat. His voice cracked as he caterwauls, being roughened from over use.

"Phil, please. It's me. Please stop!"

"NO DAD! NO! PLEASE NO! NO MORE DADDY, NO MORE." He shakes in my grip, bringing his arms in front of his face in a type of block, whimpering and kicking the sheets. My heart aches, heavy with empathy for my love before me. There was a reason Phil didn't talk to me about his childhood.

I think I'm beginning to work it out.

"No…no dad. No please I can change! I'm sorry daddy, I'm so sorry. NO! DON'T HIT HIM! NO NOT DAN." He wails before letting out a broken sob "Please…hit me. He doesn't deserve it. Please just let it out on me."

I choke down the rising bile in my throat. What type of father would do this? Hit his child and break his mind, leaving behind the broken shell of a man, fine when he could ignore it, but broken and shattered when his subconscious takes over.

"Phil…honey, please its ok. I'm here. Please stop crying, please." I say, rubbing circles into his shoulders. He relaxes slightly in my grip before his eyes snap open, startling blue now staring intently at me. He lets out a shaky breath when he sees me, the fear and terror in his eyes quickly disappearing but his body still shaking from the aftershocks of his nightmare.

He swallows thickly, as if there is a lump in his throat or a bad taste in his mouth.

"How much did you hear Dan?"

I blink away the tears stinging my eyes.

"All of it."

Phil nods slowly before he closes his eyes, left over tears spilling over the soft curves of his face, trickling down into his ears and hair.

"Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Hold me please."

I release my grip on his shoulders and move beside him, letting him turn into me and wrap his arms around me tightly, hands digging into my bare back possessively. I sigh and kiss his hair, whispering words of comfort into the darkness. Words that are carried away by the slight wind from the window. My arms wrap around his torso, cradling him closer to my body, before I run my hands up and down his spine to comfort him.

"He found out where we live. He found out about us." Phil whispers, his warm breath raising goose bumps on my neck.

"Then what happened?"

"He…he beat me. Like he used to. Picked up one of our belts and whipped me across the back before he punched me across the face. So many hits…so much blood. Broke my bones wrecked my f-face." He hiccups and buries his face deeper into me. I feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes once again as I hold him tight.

"B-but it got worse. I wasn't reacting anymore so he found you and…and hit you. So much. Threw you on the floor and beat you to a bloody pulp. Blood…blood everywhere. Too much blood. So much blood. He went to the kitchen and you looked at me, your nose was all busted and your jaw was slack and loose and you just mouthed I love you and he had a big knife and he-he." Phil was once again sobbing and he clutches me desperately. I swallow the sob that threatens to leave my mouth.

"What did he do Phil?"

"…He killed you. Right in front of me. Kept screaming 'Filthy faggots!' at us. He stabbed you so many times, all in the heart. Your blood was everywhere. Drenching his arms, splattering across my face, pooling on the floor underneath you as he j-j-just kept stabbing! And screaming, and killing you before me. Rending you."

"Oh Phil…"

"It was so real Dan. He was right there. You were dead. Oh god…" His grip on me tightens as he cries into my neck, tears simply soaking my skin and making my shoulder and neck wet and warm. He mumbles words, but I can't understand anything. All that comes out are choked back whimpers, barely there whispers against me flesh.

"Phil…Shh it's ok I'm here. I'm alive. Hear that?" I shuffle around so his head is over my chest. "That's my heartbeat. That means I'm alive. As long as that is thudding, I'm here. Feel that?" I move his arms up and down my back "That's me, all flesh and blood. That solidness means I'm real Phil. That's I'm right here. That I'm here to protect you from anything or anyone."

"But what if you can't?"

"Then I can damn well try."

"What if he does find us Dan? What happens?" He whimpers into me, nails digging into my back.

"Don't think about that Phil. Please. As long as I'm here, as long as my heart is beating and my body is still working, I will protect you. If you can fight my demons Phil, then I will fight yours."

Phil's tears slow and he hugs me, planting soft kisses to my neck.

"You must really love me." He whispers.

"I love you and that is a solid fact. The sky is blue, chameleon's tongues are twice the length of their bodies, like finger prints tongue prints are different and I love you."

He smiles slightly against my skin.

"You have a way with words Dan. Are you always this good at speaking?"

"Only to you."

We were quiet for a while then. Our bodies wrap around each other like ivy twirling around fences. His breathing finally slows and my eyes start to droop, feeling heavier than usual. As I slowly lull into sleep, all I could think of was Phil's dream, of his father, of what I learnt about Phil tonight. How the man that I hold is just as broken as I am, but how he is stronger then I will ever dream to be. And as Phil falls asleep in my lanky arms, I press my lips to his ear and whisper a silent promise.

"I promise I will always be here Phil. Always here."

And I will be.

Always.

**Voila! I felt so bad writing Phil's dad like that! I'm sure his parents are wonderful, beautiful people and I can promise they never would do anything like that to Phil! It's funny, my authors note went up the other day talking about writers block, and then tonight I had just a vision of tapping back into Phil's parents which were only very briefly mentioned. For any spelling errors I'm sorry, I don't often read them once I finish and want to publish it as soon as I'm done! But I usually fix them. Love you all x**

**-Theivydaggers**


End file.
